Earl's Italian "Alberti Trip" Fund Drive

Earl has a cockamamie idea


Goal – Raise one million, six hundred ninety six thousand, seven hundred and eighty nine Italian Lire, and some odd Tuscan florins in change. At the current exchange rate that comes to a cool grand in American dollars. Please do not contribute actual Lira since Italy now uses Euros. If anyone has an old “One thousand dollar bill” in their sock drawer to donate that would be GREAT and the fund drive will be over. The government terminated their circulation in the late sixties but they are still legal tender.


Purpose – Help fund Megan’s obsession to discover the beautiful "Alberti Estate” using only the few bread crumb clues that Albert Anatole Alberti left in his wake.



Megan is currently taking Italian lessons and has booked a flight to Italy this spring with the express desire to unravel some of the mystery surrounding her  great great great grandfather Albert Anatole Alberti’s origins.


What Do You Get? – If Megan actually finds some living Italian relatives you can invite yourself to pitch a tent on their lawn, sleep on their couch, or in some other creative way be an obtrusive American guest and minimize the cost of your Italian vacation?


What Do I Get ?– As a family member adopted by Megan’s aunt Julie I will ask if I can go to Italy with Megan as an emotional support chicken. I have been to Guatemala, Germany and Hawaii with Julie but would like to sample some Italian wines and get a Tuscan tan. If I’m not allowed to board the plane I will ask Megan at some later date to track the geological era of my “oil” based heritage. Due to my recurrent nightmares I have a hunch it was the Jurassic.


How This Works – I’m not sure! I’m a rubber chicken with no cerebral cortex, but I have a half-baked cockamamie idea.


Here’s my big idea! I’m asking Alberti fans inside and outside the tribe to look in the bottom drawer of their bureaus, the dark corners of their garage, or the storage unit they forgot to pay the rent on. You may find an unworn “Make America Great” hat, or an unused Rolex watch. I personally will donate a free pass to the Archie McPhee Rubber Chicken Museum in Seattle, a ten dollar gift certificate to Kentucky Fried Chicken, and a miniature replica of me, “Mini Me,” signed and dated.


When enough weird or wonderful artifacts are collected (online or off) they can be used as gifts to the contributors that pledge. For instance a "cheep" level donation might earn you a slightly used hernia support belt, etc. At the “Rooster Cogburn” high end level of say one hundred dollars or more, maybe a mug imprinted with the anatomy of a chicken or a photo of me.


Once the weird stuff has been pledged and collected

maybe one of the crazier members of the Alberti tribe could host a “Bon Voyage” party at their home to auction the items off.

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What’s worrying you Earl? The price of eggs in Chicago, the robot uprising, mortality, turbans, pestilence? Lot’s to worry about in 2020 Lrae. Humans are so undependable and malfunctioning and we chic